p2pnet.net News Exclusive:- Two thousand and four will go down as the year the entertainment industry went to the wall in an all-out bid to wipe out file sharing on the p2p nets. Permanently.

As part of the actions, two of the entertainment industry’s principal faux police enforcement organizations are to merge, we can reveal.

The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has been hammering p2p file sharers since September, 2003, and has so far sued 76,191 people without ever seeing one of its victims appear in court. And the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) has just mounted its own RIAA-style sue ‘em all attack.

The entertainment industry finds it highly cost effective to subpoena men, women and children, scamming the mainscream media into believing file sharing is illegal, without ever having to actually prove a case before a judge.

Victims are all ordinary people with no financial or legal resources. They have no choice but to accept the entertainment industry’s offer to ’settle’.

It’s either that or take on the squads of highly paid, highly skilled lawyers fielded by the multi-billion-dollar recording and movie industries.

Now, instead of running separate actions, the RIAA and MPAA will merge their resources and staffs to become the World Recording and Motion Picture Industry Association (WRAMPIA, pronounced ‘wrampia’), say industry sources.

Retiring IFPI boss Jay Berman will take up the post as chairman, RIAA president Cary Sherman will become WRAMPIA’s first ceo and RIAA Mitch Bainwol will run the new organization’s Reality Realignment and Fact Adjustment Bureau (RRFAB, pronounced ‘rrfab’).

Ex-MPAA boss Jack Valenti will be the new organization’s cmo (chief misinformation officer).

“I was completely awed and amazed and also totally surprised when I was asked to chair WRAMPIA,” said Berman at the ‘invitation only’ Bahamas press conference to announce the new organization.

“I’m thrilled, excited, honoured and, well, simply stunned ” said Bainwol.

“Now we’ll be able to give the music and movie loving public around the world exactly what they deserve,” said Sherman.

Remarked Valenti, “These online pirates think they’ve been getting away with it. Well, they have. But I say to you that the VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone.”

In his first public statement, Berman said WRAMPIA will organize and fund its own US political party to help politicians and their staffs better understand the difficulties facing the entertainment industry as it strives to overcome online piracy, and to define the steps the Bush administration will need to take to combat it.

To be called the First American Political Management and Persuasion Party (FAPMAPP, pronounced fapmapp), it will be headquartered in Washington but will have fund-raising offices in principal capitals around the world, say sources.

Will a FAPMAPP party member eventually run for president? “Stranger things have happened,” said Berman.

But for now, “Education is the answer,” said Valenti. “Teachers will be able to use BitTorrent and other p2p applications such as Morpheus and Grokster to download and share our free immersive videos and colorful Mickey Mouse instruction booklets.

“Special legal teams will be available to school staffs to help them explain why our children should buy industry product exclusively and how that will help starving people everywhere.

“We’ll also be launching a very special Kindergarten Awareness Group for consumers aged three and under with the Business Software Association’s warm and cuddly Willy the Weasel as the guide.”

And sources say WRAMPIA will in addition create an undercover Entertainment Industry Security and Investigation Unit (EISIU, pronounced ‘eisiu’).

“It will be manned by ex-police and special forces cadres and will work with national and international agencies such as the FBI, DoJ, DoHS, CIA, NSA, Scotland Yard and the SPCA to help them find and prosecute file sharing criminals everywhere on behalf of the entertainment industry,” we were told.

In the US, WRAMPIA expects the new organization to be funded through special taxes levied under the GRASP (Get Revenues and Sue People) Act, which will be sponsored by senator Orrin Hatch.

Elsewhere, WRAMPIA operations will be financed through special charges on entertainment industry products.

Bainwol, Berman, Sherman and Valenti will appear in prime-time television public awareness announcement spots voluntarily contributed by radio and television broadcasters, “to brief discerning music and movie lovers everywhere on our plans, all of which are being designed solely with their best interests in mind.”

Bainwol added that Microsoft and other major hardware and software companies will start crash projects aimed at developing technologies to enable WRAMPIA members to remotely control product flow to and from home user entertainment and communications systems.

“WRAMPIA is solid proof that we exist only to serve consumers,” says Sherman.

(NOTE: - If you think you’ve seen something like this before, you may have: It’s a re-jig of an earlier piece.

The frightening thing is: it could almost be real.)

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 11th, 2004 at 9:41 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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